This can make him feel resentful and unwilling to spend time with you. I have often thought about why I dragged my feet too. The outcome is a husband who is detached and less interested in being around his wife. I too am a fun person, and we dont do shi* b/c other half is content doing nothing. Updated: June 23, 2020. 3. Thats like saying its ok for me to walk into a bank and steal money if the security guard isnt looking. I agree that, for me, its my commitment to God, first and foremost. You deserve it, you seem like a very nice lady. 22/07/2018 09:47. Self-destruct, and take the easy way out. If hes unwilling to make any changes, you might have to accept that this is how things are and find ways to occupy your time when hes busy with other things. Oh, and your partner should never ask you to "stop crying" or say things like "you can't get mad." Your feelings are your feelings. If you focus on his negative qualities, itll only push him away. This is a big red flag, and my advice is to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline and discuss this with someone there because. ULK I hate it all for everyone but I am trying to be the constant for him. Most of our friends were developed through the people we have met in those activities (those mentioned in this post excluded). Just wanted to let you know I understand what youre going through, youre not alone! She will never understand the pain she caused me and our children. 6. e. just because someone throws something down it doesnt mean you have to pick it up. Don't think your heavy sighs and the comments made under your breath are going unnoticed. He keeps telling me I did nothing wrong, there was nothing I could have done better or different. Even he says he had no complaints. And so, the million-dollar question isWhat inspires us to choose to be (and stay) monogamous? Required fields are marked *, My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, on My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, Why Husband Blames Me For Everything: The Truth Behind Relationship Arguments, 11 Signs of Selfish Husband and How to Deal With Him. My husband actually says he has a NEW and DEEPER appreciation of not only me and our marriage, but our family as well. And here are 9 ways you can escape awkward conversations . Not until later on the drive home did I learn what the gals were chatting about. At least mine was, for a while. My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. Talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything you can do to help relieve some of his stress. being a friend to. Take care. and weve been together 3. we have a son. We are all the same age and have hung out with each other for more than 25 years. Then when I think about how unappreciative and selfish her betrayal was in the first place I feel like fool for stretching myself so thin when I feel like she should be kissing MY ass. Exercise grace, this is exactly the kind of thing I was trying to get through to Eyes Opened about. Your story proves my point. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? That said, anyone who knows my husband and I would say that HE is the boring one; ie, wants to stay home, etc. Also, the 21st birthday of my oldest son. Ayyy ahora si ya les cuento todito lo que pas De verdad que miedo While some marriages are beyond repair, most are not. Thank you exercise grace and for cryinoutloud, I appreciate your kind words. If you two never go out anywhere together, then I would say that he's using you for sex (or hopes to soon). Now I am thinking of calling it quitsnever thought I would feel this way..worked so hard to keep my marriage together.but Ive been at this now for 4 years and still not sure if one day he is going to come home and say he is leaving. This could be an emotional affair or a physical one. The responsibility for what you did is totally on YOU, no one else. What should I do if my husband never wants to do anything with me? I say. After a very entertaining and tasty dinner at a casual restaurant, we went outside to where a jazz concert was going on. Once her (much older) husband started doing things to increase his T-levels, he once again became more active, horny, etc. Doug, Linda, anyone elseone topic I would love to see discussed: how do you handle ti when the topic of affairs comes up in discussion with friends, etc. Plus, itll give you some time to pursue your own interests instead of thinking for hours: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. This commitment keeps me here but I dont know what kind of godly marriage this is, when he contributes no energy or time to it. The cheating spouse still seems to be calling the shots. Spending quality time together is a desirable trait in every marriage and shouldnt be compromised. When a wife insists on having her own way, she is in essence saying, "I have to be in control." 2. I loved that. I finally decided that she will never appreciate how much I did for herbefore or after her cheating. Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married one year. It's been 10 years of this. You have my prayers. The problem isn't your job. I told him what I can look on his desk. My dumb self will tag along because "it's at least something". Now I have more expectations. While I will own my mistakes, own what I need to work on in MY life and own how I can communicate better, etc to improve my marriage, I am sick to death of the prevalent societal idea that people cheat because something is lacking at home. This is not an all-inclusive list. Fcol, its very tiresome, I guess we just have to focus on our h losing their way and were not strong enough to see their way clearly. Saturday night we met up with two other couples who we consider to be some of our closest friends. And yes, if they were that unhappy they should grow up, admit to it, and get a divorce. Not that Im interested one bit. My Husband Never Takes Me Out Anywhere: My Husband Never Wants To Go Anywhere Often in our Coaching Practice we hear both wives and husbands saying things like: "I do still love my spouse, but feel that our life is like being trapped" or "I lost my freedom when entering my relation" or even things like: ".our life is not bad but boring." I deserved better. If your husband is spending more time with friends, at work, or on his hobbies, it might be because hes found someone new to spend his time with. Obviously you want to do things they would enjoy--especially action oriented activities. I say grow up, be bored and count yourself lucky you have the luxury to be bored. My ex may have made out well with money , but I have my sons. Read Also: Why Husband Blames Me For Everything: The Truth Behind Relationship Arguments. Learn how your comment data is processed. And while that might sound easy enough, many of the common phrases we say in our daily lives can get in the way of achieving the goal of keeping an open dialogue between spouses. I know my h has always been a strong capable man, full of honor, self respect and pride, it definately would not have been an easy road seeing someone else staring at you in the mirror. I was thinking, I wonder how my h would like to see me in those clothes, all vintage like. John, its one of the hardest things to go through, I highly doubt I could go through it again. He helps make meals or we dont eat. Go out and start doing things you want to do. Travelling alone is a whole new experience and in my experience, you meet people wherever you go. Veiled or overt threats, against you or them. More lies to manipulate him, each time something would backfire. He had ti see her because it made her feel better, then when that wasnt working anymore, lets bring mummy dearest over from overseas to help her with her attempts at getting my h away from me. But its good to know that Im not alone in feeling this way. You never know, once your husband sees what a great time you are having. You might feel like youre not good enough or that hes finding someone else to replace you. What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). Discover the 10 Most Important Lessons about Surviving Infidelity, Most of the Time My Husband Doesnt Want to do Sh*t, No Such Thing As TMI The Importance of Full Disclosure After You Have Had an Affair, Affair Recovery Moving On After Infidelity, Taking Inventory: A New Approach to the New Year & A Betrayed Spouses Bill of Rights, Follow our journey as we save our marriage after an emotional affair, Terms of Service/Privacy Policy/Affiliate Disclosure. I gained weight after the birth of my child, I admit. d. regardless of what others choose, I can still choose to be a happy person. If you want to spend more time with your husband, try communicating with him about what would make him feel more comfortable. At the same time, it's important to note that texting naturally falls off the longer you're with someone. I hope that eventually you can look back on your marriage and not look at it as wasted time. I hate how uncomfortable and insecure this makes me feel in our marriage. Showing more affection in different ways or spending more time together may help resolve the issue. They were also agitated, aggravated and fed up. Donna, he may indeed suffer from depression. All through his fog. It's like having a toddler. Was so close to call out to my h and ask, but then my little girl started to take off. And if your husband has told you outright that hes no longer attracted to you, its time for a serious conversation. I dont husband bash has either. My husband never wants to go anywhere . I make almost six figures but because the entire household rest on me, it doesn't feel like it. Donot tell him your every move. It is now scheduled for this Thursday . He is always focused on himself. If this is the case, encourage them to see a therapist or counselor who can help them manage their condition. It was a little thing, but it allowed you to keep up to date with the important (and, yes, sometimes the not so important) goings on in each other's lives. The only activity I can get him to do is sit and eat at restaurants. Rachel To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Its so frustrating and can make you feel really lonely. See he would watch me falling and he would hold his hand out to her to help her up. I realized that I was not bored because I was always giving to our marriage and familyshe was the taker which meant she was always waiting for something to be given to her or to happen for her. b. I let the selfish decisions of two very self absorbed people turn me into someone I am NOT. Im guessing that she was betting on I would not leave her. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. Another option is speaking to him about events that he would prefer you attend with a friend. Possibility # 2: Your husband won't talk because he doesn't like conflict (the avoiding pain motive) Your husband may be upset at you for something, but not want to say anything about it for fear that it will cause conflict. Any ideas? Eg, unfortunately with my h cousin it, she thought it was and when it looked like she could use it she threw herself at him like a bitch on heat. Trusting that you have been accurate with your wife's words, I'd like to share a quote from Michael Warner's 1999 queer manifesto The Trouble With Normal, which applies to you more than you . I even take our children to the seaside on my own. Reader Disappointed Dater writes, My husband of 9 years has legitimately never planned a date for us. Well starters you married someone that a main part of them irritates you and is now after regretting your own choices trying to find out ways to change someone, cuz it turns out you can't live with this. I shortly thereafter met Josh (he was actually my roommate!) SHOW NOTES To see pictures of Stacy on some of his many climbing . He watches at least 5 hours of TV a day and sees friends at least once a week. But I fear that when you live in a kind of dull state you will gravitate towards more exciting people. Its all about him and hes still in control! Samantha Rodman Whiten September 28, 2018. . Don't suppress your desire and build up resentment. He goes to bed whenever he wants and gets up whenever he wants. I feel like I have to force him. Now he puts extra hours at work and prefers to spend time with his friends. Suggest ways to wind down together after a long day instead of just vegging out in front of the TV. she willingly goes to counseling but I dont think think she puts much effort towards repairing our marriage. When you think about it, it makes sense. For example, would he prefer to spend time alone with you? And really peace for your ex too. When hes wrinkly, shriveled, and losing his faculties he will know in his heart and probably mind too that he caused destruction. Monogamy isnt a one-time choice for human beings; its an ongoing choice. When approaching your husband about this, don't criticize or apportion blame as this can put the other person on . If you have been in this situation you know that this will also include mental, sexual, and many other types of abuse as well. And Im but judging her about this, Im just commenting on it. I have to agree. Eg I cant even begin to address any issues about our marriage with out coming off like an insensitive ahole because shes pregnant and blames everything on hormones. was I the one responsible for what I did? Sponsored by BeenVerified He will not permit me to go out with friends or anywhere even the grocery store without his being with me. These are the games she played, along with you promised me thus, you promised me that, boo hoo. there was a time he was the life of the party and now.I believe he is depressed and has seen his doctor and neurologists for his headaches but no one has told him he may suffer from depression . Was my husband responsible for his alcoholism and abuse? His demeanour physically / the way he moves is gentle and measured. My h would tell me, he didnt want her on medication, in the next breathe he would tell me to go take medication. In 2006, he experienced his very first bout of acute pancreatitis, which was determined to have been caused by extremely elevated triglycerides. Its from Donna: I so agree..I had supported my husband for years while he went to school. Post-affair, I am uncomfortably aware that making mountains out of molehills can be a dangerous self-fulfilling prophecy. An issue my husband never wants to do anything with me could also mean that hes an introvert and he just needs some time alone to recharge. Make sure you can handle your luggage easily. Well, my court date for Friday was cancelled because the ex couldnt make it. When we first got together I was 16 and I definitely had a higher sex drive back then, as most 16 year olds probably do. So many affairs are blamed on boredom, Dougs included. or situations/content involving minors, Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. Have a sneaking suspicion that your husband is unsatisfied with your marriage? Real boyfriends take their girlfriends out on dates. Not much of a marriage, I know. How profound. Yes, she says she feels remorse but she is still defensive about what she did. Ignore builds a wall between you and your spouse. Now, us men stood there and talked about the normal stuffsports, work, kids and yes, one of the other guys did do just a little wife-bashing. It IS easy to jump on the band wagon when everyone is picking apart their spouses. It was his stress and depression and need for escape. 1. A Comprehensive Guide to 'Vanderpump Rules' Hookups Over the Years. if we do go to a wedding as it is an obligation he will sit and not speak to anyone and always wont to leave early. I was always the family planner and organizer too. That was still intact. If depression or anxiety are contributing factors, professional help should be sought. If you want things to change, stop enabling it (I really suggest just breaking up because you are trying to change something that has always been there) start setting some boundaries that You can't live like this and that things need to change cuz you are at the end of your rope (You should have just never gotten in a relationship or even married this man). Don't be shy with your partner. I used to have a higher regard for my wedding vows but these scars will unfortunately stay with me and so be it. But I, like you, intensely feel like the decades of marriage, taking care of everything (house, kids, social life and working myself), has led me nowhere. It is so easy to make our lives about our kids. I give up on getting a true apology. Please make sure you read our rules here. My husband is a person who has illness after illness. Now he helps make the bed every morning or it doesnt get made. While I am not perfect, I was a loving, supportive, faithful wife. I finally found my balls and filed for divorce. The lack of attention you are receiving from your husband could possible be due to his attraction to someone else. And not much of it was very good at all. Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. i really dont mind cleaning, i used to clean the house for him all the . I think my summer project is going to be to read all of the blog posts and comments from the beginning. Jed believed he was having a midlife crisis and he does fit the scenario but I am just worn out and tired of dealing with him. Take time to let the responses settle in, and strive not to be defensive," she says. As the girls got older, I was looking forward to the two of us having time together again. Its also extremely exhausting and expensive. I have lost a lot of weight and am going to the gym but my husband cuts that down. But living with a depressed person takes the life out of you. This is a really great article! If your spouse feels like youre always trying to get him to do things or constantly talking to him, it can be tough to want to spend time with you. He has become a public figure, and the repercussions are potentially enormous. I totally believe until you honestly think that both affair partners are equally responsible for the affair, under any circumstances,no matter what reasonsthey give, no matter who they are, yourself or others, it is being defensive. He needs to stop using his depression as an excuse for not putting effort in this relationship and if it's this bad he needs to get it under control and start on medication or start seeing someone. The term refers to being "dependent" on another person and putting their needs before your own by engaging in people-pleasing behavior and caregiving. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This blog post will discuss the ten most common reasons why your spouse might not want to spend time with you and what you can do about it. Its in cases just like this that many people turn to infidelity in an ill-fated attempt to solve their boredom (or some other) problem. There is no reason to feel guilty if you attend a dinner with a girlfriend if your husband would prefer to not go and is fine with you attending. Cuz if he doesn't communicate whatsoever, you're really just communicating with yourself. What do I do? While your situation isnt unique, it is nevertheless not typical. Certainly you must determine that there is nothing more serious physically going on as well. First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying "My husband has no friends or hobbies,") you might not think this is a big problem. Problem is, is that when I do, he texts or calls me frequently asking when Ill be home. c. I need to stay true to who I am. I feel none of it was appreciated and he has a sense of entitlement. Talking to one other and making an effort is key to a long-lasting relationship. I really did want out but didnt see a way. 1. I will NEVER go through this again. PS. At the same time, ask for them to tell you their fears or uncertainties and LISTEN. Once he achieves them, youll have plenty of quality time together. Does that excuse me got cheating on him? When your partner has your back, they'll be able to say those three important words sincerely and out loud in front of other people. Two key things: our passion and our principles. She is also a very nasty person and looking like Miss America couldnt compensate for her internal self. John Even if you're not trying to ignore him, busyness can create an emotional barrier. ALWAYS. but thats not our problem. I had counseled with Jed diamond who believed he is depressed but my husband will not even consider this. I am smarter this time around, and while I dont plan to live my life constantly suspecting him of something, I will not live it with blind trust again, either. I think Ive done my share. This way, your husband knows that youre serious about wanting to spend time with him, and he wont feel like hes being nagged. I agree with you. Well, wow. He has let his hair grow long and messy and refuses to get a haircut. Its control, but only when he sees me doing things that dont involve him. Stop thinking that your way is the "right" way. But threats of leaving, cutting off "privileges," or even threats . You can also look for ways to connect during the day, like taking a walk together or sharing a coffee break. While you may feel like youre being neglected, its important to remember that this period wont last forever. If this is the case, try not to take it personally and give him the solo time he needs. 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my husband never wants to go anywhere